Positive Reflections

Living Life On The Surface

In an ideal situation, the thoughts that run in my mind, should be exactly those that I would like and I want. We do exert this control, that we possess, over our thoughts, but it is not complete and it is only sometimes. The more we become completely engrossed in our daily routine, the more our thoughts tend to become reactions to what goes on outside us. That’s when they go out of control and our lives move in an unfocused way. As a result things don’t work out as we might have desired. Then we develop a habit of blaming other people and circumstances, or we justify our pain by telling ourselves we are not very worthy or powerful enough. Often, these two inner strategies go together. The trouble is, both are cover ups, preventing us from going for a long-term solution.

In this way, we tend to live our lives on a very superficial level, without taking the time to find the solution to what is going on wrong inside. Deeper difficulties remain hidden inside. I move from one scene of life to another – eating, watching television, studying in college, getting married, changing jobs, buying a new car or house, etc. without ever stopping. All these are part of living, but if I make them my whole and sole, my foundation, it’s as if I skate across the surface of life without being in touch with the core. As time progresses, an inner shallowness develops. Then the feeling keeps growing inside that ‘there must be more to life than this’. I then, find that my relationships are not working out as I would have hoped and they are lacking in depth.

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The Circle Of Influence And Worry

Make a list of the things that worry you most and decide if they are in your circle of influence or worry. Think about what you can really do to have an influence on each of them in an effective way. By determining which of these two circles is the centre around which most of your time and energy revolves, you can discover a great deal about your level of positivity. Positive people focus on the things they can do something about. If necessary, they change their attitude. They are aware that perhaps they cannot change the circumstances but they can improve their inner attitude. This is what positive focusing is all about: being creative, thinking differently, being open to listening, being more understanding, more communicative and showing more solidarity.Reactive people focus on the problems of the circle and on the circumstances about which they have no control. They react to the defects found in other people. From this worrying, accusations, destructive criticism, feelings of blame, a reactive language and feelings of weakness and frustration can arise. They want others or the circumstances to change first and when that happens, then they will change. Whenever they think that the problem is on the outside, this thought is the problem. The negative energy produced as a result of this approach, combined with the lack of attention to the areas in which they could do something to improve the situation, means that the area of influence decreases in size. They give power to what is external so that it dominates them. In other words they think that change must come from “outside towards the inside”; they think that something that is outside must change before they themselves change.

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